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What does narcissistic abuse look or feel like? Read my story..

Updated: Apr 12, 2023

Every person's experience of abuse is unique and different, although I am a very private person,I think it is time to tell my story... some of it atleast.

This has been my experience of narcissistic abuse on an online singing app.

I was subjected to prolonged narcissistic abuse online which resulted in me deleting my account on a singing app and giving up on singing altogether.

I somehow got the attention of a few narcissists on a popular online app who began isolating me from people.

Anything I did online was suddenly NOT OKAY.Let me explain.

It was a singing app and if I commented positively or even liked another singer's song, things were blown out of proportion by a group of people. Others were allowed to sing what they wanted,like and comment on absolutely anything.

There were people keeping tabs on me and I couldn’t go out and sing whatever I wanted - it had become a game!

People were forming gangs & focussed on singing songs to convey discreet messages to one another.

It was a game and I was a pawn in it.

I was busy with family & work + I didn’t have anyone in my corner to support me.They played at my expense. As soon as one of the narcissists got involved, he along with others started isolating me from other singers on the app.

I continued to join other singers collaborations but I was ignored.It took me awhile to realise that this was done on purpose.

Then I started singing solo songs but the harassment continued.

I had the ability to sing in many different languages - anything I sang was still an issue for a group of people. Does some of this sound vague or confusing or just weird? This was exactly how I felt.

The isolation, lies, manipulation, with-holding information & toxicity was unbearable.

I was made to believe that I was imagining all of this ~ typical gaslighting tactic.

My name was linked with any male singer I collaborated with to sing.

Just for some context - I was/am a married woman who loves singing & I had joined a few male singer’s open invites for collaboration on this singing app.

This is all I did & this was a problem. Don't laugh, there's more.

So I continued singing solos & joined female singers on the app; suddenly now I was labelled a lesbian! As ridiculous as it sounds, at the time it was extremely harassing.

Just for the record, I support the LGBT community wholeheartedly & have no reservations around any members of this community.Some of my best friends are gay.

I did not show myself on camera for any of my songs & this was a massive problem for some people - so they started spreading rumours about me, tarnishing my image telling lies about my looks, background status etc.

One good thing I did was to not do anything actively to change their opinion of me, at that time.. for many years. I had initially chosen to sing on an app as a means of relaxation and considered it a stress-buster; little did I know that this will end up becoming the biggest stressor of my life.

The lies about me continued and I noticed all the jealousy, toxicity and manipulation that was thrown at anyone who came in support of me.

I was made aware after awhile that some top people (don’t ask me why they were considered important) on that virtual platform had ‘made rules’ - there were deadlines set for people to join singing collaborations, there were ‘consequences’ if certain other rules were not followed.

Only some singers were promoted, thereby causing only their songs to trend on the app.

The degree of control that was present is difficult for me to explain or for anyone to understand.

Who made these rules,I wondered?

After a few years of all this,I personally lost interest in singing. The narcissists started over-compensating (which is common in this type of abuse) and it made things worse.

It was traumatic - the isolation, gaslighting, lies and manipulation even by women who acted as enablers and flying monkeys of the narcissists.

It’s a different thing that many of the flying monkeys were burnt too.. as is the trademark of Narc abuse.

I watched, I was silent but not blind. They had chosen the wrong victim.

I was close only with a handful of people while I was active on the app,

I had confided my fears and thoughts to some of these women.Some of these women became flying monkeys, some were covert narcissists.

I watched helplessly as they betrayed my trust by sharing details that I had trusted them with.

The painful realisation that some of these people were narcissists dawned on me - I had worked with patients like this professionally but had missed recognising them on a virtual platform.

Did it help that I was a doctor and a Psychiatrist at that? No, nobody is immune to this type of abuse.

Weaponising my insecurities wasn’t the only thing that was done.

My songs & singing were weaponised.

My silences were weaponised.

My age, singing ability, song choices, my reluctance to participate in their games were all weaponised.

The point is: most people who experience narcissistic abuse suffer from isolation & loss of connections.And loss of connections is one of the main causes of depression.There are several scientific studies validating this theory.
Other effects of narcissistic abuse are complex -PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder),anxiety, physical symptoms like IBS, migraines, panic attacks, phobias, chronic pain etc


I was told that it wasn’t ‘safe’ for me to go out and sing.

I mean, why wasn’t it safe?

There were people who didn’t respect women creating unnecessary problems - but how is that any woman’s fault?

So imagine that if every time you went home, there were people pelting stones at you for no apparent reason - would you runaway from your home or tackle those who were troubling you?

Would you teach your child that when people abuse you, it is actually your fault .. therefore, in order to be safe - don’t get out, don’t make a sound, don’t breathe?

Imagine if the people who tried to attack women with all sorts of excuses. - they were singled out and made to eat their words or they were banned. How long would they continue their abuse?

So, when you find yourself in similar situations whether online or in real life there are a few things you must remember:

1.Do not expect the narcissist(s) to change. They lack self-awareness and insight about their behaviour.

2.They are about control & dominance.You will never find them giving up & leaving the stage.

3.Narcissists have a need to isolate you. Stay connected with your family and friends or join a support group.

4.They hate boundaries - say 'NO' and see what happens. You setting your boundaries will be their biggest turn off.

5.They will start a smear campaign when you stand up for yourself or challenge their abuse. Stand up for yourself anyway.

6.They will project & deflect blame. Do not expect them to apologise or take accountability for their actions.

7.They cause chaos in other people’s lives and find it impossible to focus on their lives. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way.

The list is endless but let me stop here (for now).

{And if you were in the same space and never experienced any of this - maybe you were lucky, maybe you were not the PRIZE}

The most important thing to do is to protect your energy and build on yourself by focussing on self-love & self-compassion. This is what I have done for myself.

Do not be afraid to set strong boundaries.

You were not born to feed their insecurities therefore, focus on your freedom & growth ~ both of which the narcissists don’t want you to have.

If you've experienced something similar, share your story.

Let your courage fuel others towards their freedom.

You will never know who it might inspire.

Much Love,



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