How much should I tolerate and how bad should it get before I go?
The simple answer to that question is - tolerate nothing,especially if it involves abuse.
But the most important thing is that it's not what somebody else is doing to you that's making the relationship not feel good - It is what you're doing to you by making that relationship more important than your health, wellbeing and your everyday life which is the key. The predominant relationship on this planet is your relationship with yourself. In other words, when we are looking to another person to fulfil us,to reassure us,to adore us,to love us unconditionally - we are asking something from someone that we shouldn't be asking of anyone other than ourselves.
Because it's not their job to hold you as their singular object of attention so that they're there for you anytime you need them. It is our job to be there for us first, everybody else comes later into this picture. Why make that relationship more important than this relationship that you have with yourself?Because when you put all your expectations on the other person (and this is a very natural human tendency- no denying that) then we begin resenting that person when they don’t give you the feedback or response that you're looking for. A whole lot of people in fact, nearly every person uses relationships in a dependent kind of way by asking the other person to be their rock. ‘You're my rock.’ ‘You're my reason for living.’You're my anchor’…etc Free yourself from needing them to behave a certain way.
So you ask - ‘what if I’m really unhappy in my relationship?’ ‘Should I tolerate their bad behaviour?’
It's hard to ignore something when it's happening to you on a daily basis - disrespectful behaviour,feeling unappreciated,lacking understanding,not fulfilling your emotional,physical,spiritual and intellectual needs .. and other common relationship issues.
I believe in the laws of this Universe.
I believe that every time we are disrespected - there is a relationship lining up somewhere(maybe in our own minds) where we are respected. Every time we are unappreciated - someone else is conjured up in our reality who appreciates us. Every time our needs are not met - there is a person who is queuing up who will meet our needs. So instead of reacting to what somebody else is not giving you or doing for you ~ focus on raising your vibration.I do personally believe that every person deserves to be in a loving,fulfilling relationship.
Instead of filling your mind with thoughts of what you don’t want .. make a choice,day by day,thought by thought,emotion by emotion to fill your mind with what you really want instead.
And one day when you see it (person or situation) you will recognise it because you’ve worked out what you specifically want. Having said all that,I am not in the least suggesting that every-time something doesn’t work out with your person - move on to someone else.But if you've tried everything and nothing has shifted,think of the Universal laws that applies to each one of us,whether we believe in it or not. Instead of focussing on what’s not working with the other person,try and shift the focus to yourself.
In other words,de-emphasise what is unwanted in your life because where attention goes,energy flows.
When you get into sync with who you really are, the people around you begin to behave differently. Observe. That is one of the benefits of not taking action too soon. So if someone is yelling and being disrespectful- what should I do? My best answer to that is to think about the telly. We watch people killing each other, being deceitful, hurting one another on TV everyday.
Do we run out or leave the room anytime something horrible is shown? Be an observer. We all have the ability to bliss out, far more than we give ourselves credit for.
If you look at children, you’ll notice sometimes that irrespective of what calamity the world is facing - they’re just in their own little world.. focussing on what brings them joy.
You can change the vibrational dynamic of any situation by altering the way you react to it.
Don’t be hard on yourself and equally, don’t be difficult on the other person too. If you must leave the room or escape from a negative situation - do so in the most positive way.Because anytime we leave a situation/person/relationship in a defiant huff.. be assured that we will step into another which will present with different set of challenges. It’s as if the Universe is saying - ‘oh you couldn’t deal with that.. here deal with this now instead’. It is about navigating situations in a way where our soul lessons are learnt. With divorce rates around 40% in much of the developed world, and cohabiting couples breaking up at much higher rates of 60 to 70% the stats tell us that around 50% of all long term couples are simply not going the distance.
And all of this is having an impact on the next generation as well. Family breakdown in the UK is costing us UK taxpayers a whopping 51 billion pounds a year. It is almost half of what it costs to run the entire National Health Service. "What we need are better fences at the top of the cliffs, rather than just more ambulances at the bottom." Here are some habits that anyone can adopt to make any relationship successful. (Disclaimer : this does not apply to people in abusive relationships) 1.Instead of being critical ~ be curious. 2.Be careful ~ not crushing.There is a fight or flight response triggered every time people have heated arguments.Be mindful of how you react to your external environment. 3.Don’t assume ~ just ask.Men are from Mars & women from Venus indeed.If you truly understand how the opposite gender operates - you will be surprised.(more on this in my next blog) 4.Before you correct ~ just connect. Try doing something together regularly where you get a chance to connect and talk with the other person eg: weekly date nights? We all invest in the things that we value ~ our education, our homes, even in our pensions! So what in the world is stopping us from investing in our relationships? And when we thrive as individuals, as families, as companies, as nations - maybe,just maybe we will leave the world a better place for the generations to come. With love & gratitude, Savi
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