Everybody has patterns that we repeat over and over again in our lives. Sometimes these patterns are helpful and sometimes they're not. But why do we keep repeating them? The answer lies in our subconscious mind.
Our subconscious mind is the part of us that stores all of our memories, experiences, and beliefs. It's also the part of us that is responsible for our automatic behaviours and reactions. This means that if we have any negative beliefs or experiences stored in our subconscious mind, they will keep resurfacing in our lives until we deal with them.
One way to deal with these negative patterns is to work with your inner child. Our inner child is the part of us that holds all of our childhood wounds and traumas. By working through these traumas, we can release the negative patterns that they've created in our lives. This can be a powerful process that leads to lasting change.
Many of us (but not everyone) grew up in a ‘survival of the fittest’ type family system.
We were often pitted against siblings or even dealt with difficult parenting styles where not being understood could have had catastrophic consequences.
Perhaps you'd be punished or stonewalled and excluded if you were deemed to be in the wrong.
This would be enough for any child to be motivated to do whatever they needed to, in order to feel safe and secure.
Many of us learn that love or approval would be taken away if we don't perform or say the right things.
This is why we often panic when we aren't believed and become desperate to get our point across and be accepted.
Ultimately, when we feel the overwhelming need to over explain, or have our side understood and accepted from others - it comes from an unhealed inner child wound and deep fear of abandonment or rejection.
For example, an adult who tends to over explain, was most likely a child who was taught that love and acceptance is conditional upon being understood.
“I have to make them understand my side or I'll be abandoned, rejected and made to feel bad.”
It is fascinating how the subconscious mind always has a positive intention to fulfil, and how inner child work can make things unfold beautifully.
When working with my clients, I often find that their adult patterns can be traced back to unresolved trauma from their childhood.
By tapping into the subconscious mind, we can help to resolve this trauma and bring about lasting change.
In many ways, the Conscious mind is like a passenger on a bus, while the subconscious mind is the driver. The Conscious mind is simply observing whatever is enroute on the journey with no real power to bring about change.
Random example: The Conscious mind notices that you’ve become upset for trivial things or that you’ve gained weight - so it decides to rectify the same.In this case.. by making resolutions to never be upset for silly things or to hit the gym regularly/eat healthy to shed weight respectively.
In reality, why most of our attempts at such everyday activities fail is down to action being taken by the conscious mind which will almost always be short-lived.Just think about any resolutions that you may have made throughout your life but was never able to stick with.. it was your conscious mind trying to do the uphill climb always.
The subconscious mind on the other hand is driving your reality 24/7 and it’s only purpose is to keep you safe.
Example (excerpt from my a recent client)
A lady who was constantly people pleasing was playing out her childhood patterning of seeking validation & approval that was not given to her from her caregivers.She used to say yes when she meant no and took on more than she could manage at work just because of her perceived inability to say no.This self-abandonment pattern had repeated in many areas of her life for many years before she sought help after having a burnout at work.When this was addressed at the subconscious level through regression (hypnotherapy) - she was able to finally break free from the faulty core belief that was keeping her small.
In her case, pain from rejection was keeping her stuck in a lifelong cycle of people pleasing and her subconscious was making sure to move her from pain to pleasure every step of the way (and it thought this was helping her).
Lasting change in any area of our life can only be achieved by tapping into the subconscious mind (and preferably working with the inner child).
We can break generational family patterns when:
1.We decide to go to therapy.
2.We call out abusive and toxic behaviours.
3.We challenge dysfunctional family patterns.
4.We refuse to accept that “this is just how things are.”
5.We talk about emotional pain that is carried.
6.We start to treat and speak to ourselves with love.
95 percent of your life comes from your childhood subconscious programming. By definition your life is a printout of your subconscious programs.
So the things that you like and that come easily to you in your life are there because you have a program that allows them to be there. In contrast anything that you have to work hard at, put a lot of effort into or anything you have to struggle for to make it happen, is a result of your subconscious programs not supporting that.
So how do I change my subconscious programming? How does it learn?
One: The first seven years of your life, the mind is operating in a vibrational frequency like hypnosis. So that is one way of changing the program - if you've had evolved caregivers who were mindful of your needs, you wont need any help.
Two: After you are seven years and above, you form habits by repeating something over and over and over again. Practicing, repeating, practicing.
Three: Regression therapy/hypnotherapy.
I hope this gives some insight on why some patterns repeat in our lives and how we have the power to change that within us.
Awareness always precedes transformation.