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Self-sabotage: the wall between who you are and who you're meant to be

Updated: Aug 30, 2023

The concept of self-sabotage can be described as the conscious or unconscious thoughts, behaviours, and actions that hinder us from achieving our goals and living the life we desire. The question that arose was, "Why do we continue to engage in self-sabotaging behaviour?"

You might resonate with this sentiment.

Why do we find ourselves repeatedly overeating, overworking, attracting negative relationships, or getting tangled up in unproductive arguments?

Why do we fail at job interviews or perpetuate negative patterns even when we yearn for positive change? The answer often lies in the underlying emotion of fear.

Fear, particularly fear of the unknown, fear of change and fear of letting go, often drives our self-sabotaging tendencies.

These behaviours may seem like roadblocks to progress, but they're often a way for us to stay in our comfort zones, maintaining the status quo and familiar routines.

We hold ourselves back from growth because we find solace in the familiar.

For many, self-sabotage becomes a repetitive cycle. To grasp its mechanism, let me approach it from a spiritual perspective - a vantage point higher than our everyday struggles.

Imagine your life as a play, and you're a character within it. This character is one you've portrayed countless times before, with a well-defined background story filled with trials, successes and setbacks. This narrative keeps us rooted in our current role, limiting our reactions and choices to those consistent with our character's persona.

The familiar events and outcomes in our lives are a result of investing years into replaying the same emotions, thoughts and experiences. These memories serve as magnets, drawing in similar situations and people. It's no wonder things remain predictable - our character is deeply ingrained.But here's the catch: you're not just your character.

Your character is a role you play, not a permanent identity. The challenge is breaking free from this character's grasp.

Some may already have an alternate character they aspire to embody but struggle to bring to life. In this case, ask yourself, "If I choose to be the person I truly want to be, what am I most afraid might happen?"

This question exposes the fears blocking your transformation.

Remember, self-sabotage thrives on the fear of embracing change and evolving into someone new. In spiritual traditions, a change in name symbolises a fresh start - a new role. Similarly, you possess the power to shed your old character and take on a new persona. The past doesn't bind you; you have the freedom to choose who you want to be.

Cultivating the right mindset holds greater significance than one might realise.

Just as the heart beats involuntarily, the mind too thinks without conscious direction almost always.

This involuntary nature of our minds is what feeds self-sabotage.

Picture attempting to order your mind to stop thinking - a task as impractical as commanding your heart to stop beating.

Medications are ineffective in facilitating mindset shifts.

This is why people turn to experts capable of instigating subconscious transformations.

8 Everyday Ways We Unknowingly Self-Sabotage Our Progress

We've all been there - desiring change and growth, yet finding ourselves trapped in familiar patterns that hinder our progress. Self-sabotage isn't always obvious and it can manifest in various everyday scenarios. Let's take a closer look at eight scenarios of how we inadvertently sabotage ourselves:

1. The Comfort Food Conundrum: You commit to healthier eating habits, but when stress hits, you turn to your trusty tub of ice cream or whatever is your 'go-to' food/drink.. Comfort eating offers temporary relief, but it sabotages your long-term goals by reinforcing emotional eating habits.You may extend all other forms of addiction (smoking, drinking, gambling etc) in here as well.

2. The Overworking Trap: You want a work-life balance, yet you find it hard to say no to extra hours and additional tasks. Overworking may seem productive, but it leaves you drained, stressed and ultimately, less efficient.

3. The Toxic Relationship Tangle: Despite vowing to attract positive partners, you find yourself in a cycle of toxic relationships. Self-sabotage here lies in our unconscious attraction to the familiar - even if it's unhealthy.

4. The Drama Dilemma: Arguments and conflicts crop up and you feel compelled to engage, even though they lead to unnecessary stress. Self-sabotage occurs when we fall into patterns of engaging in drama, hindering our emotional well-being.

5. The Interview Fumble: Your skills are top-notch, yet you consistently falter in job interviews. Self-sabotage takes place when self-doubt creeps in, affecting your confidence and performance.

6. The Comparison Game: Constantly comparing yourself to others sabotages your self-esteem and hinders personal growth. This behaviour distracts you from focusing on your journey and achievements.

7. The Procrastination Pitfall: You postpone tasks, convincing yourself that you work better under pressure. This procrastination pattern, however, robs you of valuable time and quality work.

8. The Negative Self-Talk Spiral: Continuous negative self-talk diminishes your self-worth and perpetuates self-sabotage. Believing in your limitations can prevent you from seizing opportunities and striving for more.

There are a gazillion scenarios where self sabotage creeps up on us but I bet you probably resonated with one of them listed above? If you see a repeating pattern and you are not able to change it voluntarily at will - its because it is embedded in your subconscious mind.

Each of these scenarios exemplifies how self-sabotage creeps into our lives, undermining our efforts to evolve. Thankfully, there are simple and easy ways to get out of this unconscious habit.

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward breaking free and embracing positive change. Remember, you have the power to choose a different path - one that leads to growth, fulfilment and the realisation of your true potential.

Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage requires just one decision: the choice to embrace change. No prolonged therapy or endless soul-searching is necessary.

Wishing you a life of endless possibilities.

Much love,



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